free Download All about You Looking For

..will her new friends bring her the light hearted relief she has longed for? Or will she find herself getting drawn deep into their dangerous and intoxicating world?

After suffering an unthinkable loss, Abbey Miller and her family move to Leeds to rebuild their lives and start again, but the pain and grief that Abbey carries with her is impossible to escape. 

As she finds herself becoming increasingly isolated from her family, she develops a firm friendship with Lucy, Nathan and Liam, three kids from her new school who introduce her to a brand new and exciting world, far removed from all of her problems. 

But will her new friends bring her the light hearted relief she has longed for? Or will she find herself getting drawn deep into their dangerous and intoxicating world?

Reflection


The bright, mid-afternoon sun pours through the open window as the soft, summer breeze makes the trees outside sway together in a gentle dance. Abbey Miller turns her face towards the sunlight and closes her eyes, feeling the warmth on her skin. As the birds sing and the leaves rustle softly in the wind, she allows her thoughts to slowly drift away from her.

“Abbey...?”

She reluctantly opens her eyes and returns to the present moment. Sitting across from her is Dr Morris, with a pen resting in her right hand and a clip board balanced in her lap. She watches Abbey curiously.

“Writing about your experiences, actually putting them down on paper… it has been proven to be an effective tool when coping with trauma. I feel you might benefit from this... you may find it an easier way to communicate?”

Abbey shifts uncomfortably in the large leather armchair. How can she be blamed for not wanting to ‘communicate’ when she is so aware of Dr Morris assessing her every movement, enthusiastically scribbling down more notes because she rubbed her head or cleared her throat. It’s not that Abbey doesn’t trust her. She is clearly good at her job. The many certificates of achievement and qualifications that are framed and mounted neatly on the wall speak for themselves. She is patient and understanding, as all therapists ought to be. She just doesn’t get the point in being here. What difference is it really going to make? Everything that has happened to Abbey in the past 18 months can’t be changed or altered in any way. She can’t take back all the bad decisions she has made. No, there is no point. In Abbey’s opinion, no amount of ‘communication’ is going to make the slightest bit of difference what so ever.

“Would you at least be willing to give it a try? You could write in the form of a story, or perhaps a diary... whatever you find easiest. And then in our sessions we can go through what you have written and discuss it together. Does that sound fair?”

Abbey sighs quietly, nodding in response as Dr Morris flashes a brief, reassuring smile and seemingly satisfied, once again begins to add to her notes. As the sun sets over the beautifully landscaped gardens outside, Abbey sits in her room, staring in frustration at the computer in front of her. It is dark - the only light coming from a small desk lamp that is balanced precariously on a pile of books and CD’s. She watches the cursor flashing at the top of the screen, her mind completely blank. Why on earth did she agree to this? How is she supposed to put her tragic, dysfunctional life into words? She exhales the smoke from her cigarette and twists it into the ash tray, running her hands through her long auburn hair. She looks older than her years. Only 19, yet her pale green eyes reflect the maturity of someone much older, someone who has been through more than the average teenager. Someone, in fact, that has been through more than the average person ever will.

Eventually, she reaches for the keyboard, hesitating for a moment before she begins to type…
 ‘Have you ever taken a step back and looked at your life?
 Are you where you expected to be? Or do you often find yourself wondering ‘how the hell did I end up here?’
 I seem to be asking that question a lot these days - and as I reflect on the circumstances that led me to this point I still find it hard to believe.
Trinity and All Saints Rehabilitation Centre is somewhere I never expected to end up.’

To trust is to get hurt, to be loved could end in death.

Everyone sees Ash as the toughest of the Rata brothers, the tall, tattooed man who is untouchable. But not many know of his past, of a tormented youth, which almost saw him take his own life. For ten years he's lived with the nightmares of his stepfather raping him, and how it destroyed his family. Further tormented by his first love leaving him, he tries to move forward with his new partner Beth, but is unable to open up to her, his past continuing to eat away at his soul.

Beth knows Ash is keeping her in the dark, and every word he doesn't say, every secret he keeps, pushes her further into his brother's arms, someone who doesn't understand boundaries, a trait that has given Dante a wild reputation: the man every woman wants to bed. Hedonistic and uncontrollable, Dante desires Beth to the point of madness, his bipolar condition worsening with the stress of his hidden desires. He wants to control her, to take her, but he is deeply reliant on Ash, and like his brother, he hides his true nature. On the outside he shows a confident swagger that gets him the attention of both sexes, but on the inside all he wants is one woman who sees him as more than a sexual object.

Sledge, the youngest of the three Rata brothers, finds himself in a different situation, dealing with the affections of his best friend: Beth's brother Corey. Diagnosed with cancer, Corey wants Sledge more than life itself, even though he believes Sledge is homophobic and would find him disgusting if he confessed his love. But when another man shows interest in Corey, Sledge's jealousy eats away at him, and makes him reassess his sexuality, and whether he could be more than a friend to Corey - whether he could be his lover.

As the Rata family's love life is thrown into tangles, the brothers' stepfather escapes from prison with one thing on his mind: To get Ash once again. Someone he will kill for - and has killed for.

Author's Note: Book 2 has different main characters from book 1. Due to this, you don't need to read book 1 to understand this story. Book 2 is more dark romance and family drama, while book one is street lit and social realism. Book 3 continues directly on from Book 2.

NATIONALITY AND CULTURAL CONNECTIONS: I'm a true blue Aucklander, born and bred in New Zealand. I tend to write about cultures I have connections to, such as Croatian and Maori. I would love to visit Croatia again as I have family there. However, in My Masters' Nightmare, I have started writing about Italians. My husband is part Italian and I also have a degree in Italian.

SPORTS: As a teen my favorite sports were karate, badminton, and running. I also did unarmed combat and played in a touch rugby team (my gym teacher made me do the last one!) Now, I stick to coaching soccer and running. I have completed two marathons, numerous half-marathons and one 30K run.

CAREER PATH: I started off as a Graphic Designer, then went to Auckland University, where I got a BA degree in Art History and Italian Studies and a post-graduate Honors degree in Art History. I worked in the Art History field, then became a full-time artist, doing commissions. I eventually lost all of my senses and gave it up to be a poor, starving writer, smh.

FAVORITE FOODS: I'm vegetarian. I love pasta based foods, tofu, chocolate mousse and golden queen peaches.

BAD HABITS: I'm a major procrastinator that can't seem to earn money to save myself!

STATUS: Married to my high school sweetheart (which he hates me calling him). We have two kids.